50 Years of Making Love
Love By Being Loving
50 Years Starts at Day 1
Don’t just love, be loving!
Fifty years ago, my parents met at Tannabug’s house party. Who would have known that a relationship could blossom at somebody named Tannabug’s house? Love has no boundaries.
They celebrated forty-nine (49) years of marriage on April 22, 2021. Beyond the forty-nine years, we should celebrate all the years they made it work. Yes, the relationship survived fifty years. Truly, your relationship doesn’t have a chance at one month without making it work 30 days. Sometimes we add all the days and years to reach a total, but that total forsakes the addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division that it took to make that total.
While I am writing about a matrimonial relationship, the lesson is applicable to all relationships. The lesson has two key parts to it. To make this point I must use an analogy. At our core, we recognize we have a connection to the world and the people in it. That connection requires that we also understand our limited power in a vast universe that can make us seem invaluable at times. To counter that small feeling, we must have faith in our purpose and connection. That connection to humanity requires that we have more than faith, but an activated faith that includes actions that help others build their faith.
So, what does faith in action look like? Activated faith looks like feeding a person that is hungry. Activated faith looks like listening to a person when they are expressing their concerns. Activated faith looks like calling or visiting the person that is alone. Activated faith looks like doing something beyond an offered prayer or thought. You know what I’m talking about. The person that says, “Our thoughts and prayers are with you;” even though they can do something to alleviate the need (note that I didn’t say want).
With the example, you can see the importance of believing and acting out that belief. In the same way, love is a belief. It says you have a deep connection and feeling toward a person or thing. That connection is sustained by the gravitational pull of love. But love is not enough. Love must be accompanied by the action of being loving. Loving is the action and activation of love. Loving is the forgiveness needed to move forward. Loving is apologizing for injuring someone. Loving is a result of boundless love that is doled out perfectly rather than seeking to find a perfect person to love.
Love can start anywhere, but it can only continue when it is activated by loving. My parent’s love started at the unlikeliest of places — Tannabug’s house. And their loving continues…
Love Began At A Party
Swinging her hips from left to right, she danced around the bedroom in her parents’ West Baltimore row home. It was the summer of 1971. Soul Train was scheduled to premiere that Fall around her 19th birthday. Smiling and laughing while her sisters helped her get dressed, she said, “I’m going to get my groove on tonight.” You could feel the excitement and glee oozing out of her skin.
She’s a well-groomed light skin beauty. She has shoulder-length dark brown hair that accents her round face. She has a mesmerizing smile, hazel brown eyes, and a well-placed beauty mark. Despite her lack of athleticism, she has an hourglass figure.
Tannabug’s house was jumping. Everybody in the neighborhood was there. As she approached Tannabug’s rowhouse, she got a queasy feeling of nervousness in her stomach. She could see the crowd outside of Tannabug’s house. The music was groovy, and the bass was hitting her soul. As she got closer to the party, she started snapping her fingers and singing along with the tunes. The party was out of sight. If you were “down” you were there.
She was about to meet one of the coolest dudes in West Baltimore. He was a smooth cat daddy that earned everything he had. He was stylish in his one size too small shirt and tight bell bottoms. As the skinny dark skin brother approached her, he passed by a few dudes he knew. They greeted him with a, “What’s hanging?” He replied, “Ain’t no thang, but a chicken wang, you dig. I’m going to talk to that fine chickadee over there.” With his eyes on his future wife, he patted his colossal afro, slowly stuck his tongue out, and sucked back on his gold tooth. She saw him bopping over with his left arm swinging front to back. She thought he was cute, so she acted like she didn’t see him.
The music was blasting from the rectangular house speakers Tannabug placed outside. So, he got close to her and asked, “What’s hanging’?” Nervous that her father was trailing her, she looked around and replied, “Not a thang.” The smooth cat daddy wasted no time asked her name. After she said her name was Niecy, he replied that his name was “Poosta.”
Without any hesitation he asked if she wanted to get into the party, because as he put it, “I know all these cats, including that jive turkey, Tannabug.” She accepted the invitation. With the Black man street currency of a head nod, they walked into Tannabug’s house. Immediately, they walked to the dance floor. Within a few minutes, the DJ saw “Poosta” was dancing with a “fine chickadee” nobody knew. “Poosta” caught the DJs eye and yelled out, “Play that song!” Niecy didn’t understand what was happening and kept dancing. The DJ threw on the longest slow song ever recorded — Stay by the Dells. Poosta grabbed her hand, pulled her close, and commenced to slow dancing. Some say they are still dancing.
Fast forward a few months and on April 22, 1972, Niecy came down the stairs of her parents overcrowded row home in a white dress, with a satin slip, white stockings, too small white shoes, and a white veil to marry the gold tooth cat daddy — Poosta — in his military uniform.
A few months later, on July 14, 1972, she gave birth to my older brother — Marlow A. Henderson, III. A little over 4 years after his birth, they turned on the Dells and danced some more. Nine months after they danced, I was born on March 31, 1977. That’s what love looks like! Longevity from a less than fairy tale beginning. Oh yeah, they danced to Stay by the Dells and gave birth to Bridget and Brian on September 13, 1979.
My parents’ story is a testament of fifty years of acting out love through faith and forgiveness. I am a witness to the sacrifices that made their love last.
Longevity in relationships is not easy, but it can be done.Two people must decide to continually renew the love by loving.
Don’t just love, be loving!
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Corey J. Henderson, DrPH, MPA
